In a tale as old as time, women have always been viewed as the weaker, inferior gender in relationships.
Creatures who need guiding, defending, ‘mansplaining’, tempering and some level of manipulative control for a relationship- and their life in general- to run smoothly. Because, unfairly normalized, some women probably don’t know any better and need handling or because the men, unquestioned, feel they are superior and this is societally expected of them to ‘carry out’.
But as time passes and eras phase out, women have become more enlightened. They now know that they deserve and can get better; and don’t have to minimize themselves for their relationships to work. They can decide what works for them in relationships and stay on the ride, or jump off when things begin going left.
However, some men are yet to accept that this can be another dynamic to their relationships. That women can choose when and how to be in a relationship. And for many men, these instances lead them into becoming different, meaner and wound up versions of themselves. That these different versions of themselves project themselves into the relationships to temper down their women’s independence and turn them into confused, dependent messes.
In such instances, Kenyan psychologist Benjamin Zulu, a renowned media personality, opined that there are cheat codes in which women could turn the tables on such men.
“Teach yourself to follow a man’s lead. He doesn’t text? Neither do you. He doesn’t call? Neither do you. He doesn’t plan anything? Neither do you. Only by following a man’s lead will you feel his energy and sample his leadership without accidentally filling in the gaps too much. Did you know a man can marry you because you feel so easy to lead? Also, he can drop you because you always get ahead of him. There’s something scary about a woman who comes off as if she wants the relationship more than the man does. He wonders whether there’s something he doesn’t know. Is he being controlled? Avoid this trap and instead turn the dynamic around to work in your favor,” began Mr Zulu.
He went on to outline cheat codes women should follow when dealing with men who are being difficult and making the relationship unbearable.
“If he acts like he’s busy, get busy too. He has other things to do and other people to see? So do you. If he’s slowing down the communication, match that energy. Allow him to fade out of your life and you’ll be surprised how often the reverse psychology works on men. It makes him think twice as to whether he could be losing something valuable. The fact that you’re not clingy means you have options. Other men want you. You’ll soon move on and become unavailable. You’re exactly the type of woman men never forget, even if they lose her. Men’s love is competitive. They want what other men want. It confirms that you’re valuable. If you appear like he’s the only man who wants you, he questions your worth. If you act like other people also want you, he confirms your worth,” continued Mr Zulu.
He concluded by advising women on how to use reverse psychology strategically while guiding their hearts and mental health.
“This doesn’t mean entertaining unsure energy or on-and-off forever. You use this tactic only once. A man who behaves unsure and then turns around has already exhausted his chances. If he goes cold, shut all doors completely, even if you don’t have someone else. If you don’t, taking him back a second time will set in motion another pattern where he knows he can always come back. He’ll never value you or your forgiveness, and you’ll never feel secure around him either.
A full-time heart like yours can never rest in half-hearted commitment,” concluded Mr Zulu.
