In Kenya, stories of mistresses, popularly known as “side chicks” or mpango wa kandos, are as common as the morning traffic. From whispered office rumors to full-blown social media exposés, extramarital affairs often end in scandal, heartbreak or even financial ruin. Yet, amidst the chaos, some women reach a turning point- a come-to-Jesus moment if you will- where they realize it’s time to leave. But how does one walk away from an affair with dignity intact, avoiding public shame and personal regret?
In my opinion, the first step should be them acknowledging the truth. Many mistresses start off believing they are the exception- “He will leave his wife for me,” or “Our love is different.” Reality, however, tells a different story. The statistics are grim; very few men leave their marriages and when affairs are exposed, mistresses are often the ones left to pick up the pieces. Accepting that the relationship was built on secrecy, deception and broken promises is painful, but it is the first step toward healing.
Next, they should cut all ties with their illicit partners- no farewell meetings, no “one last time” encounters and certainly no lingering texts. Many women stay entangled because of financial dependence, emotional attachment or fear of loneliness and the unknown. But true closure comes from setting clear, non-negotiable boundaries. Blocking contacts, avoiding mutual friends and even switching up routines can help create the space needed to move on. If financial support was a factor, it’s time to rethink money matters and start securing independence. After all, there’s no dignity in living on hush money.
Reputation management is also crucial. Kenyan social media thrives on scandals and when affairs go public, the mistress often takes the biggest hit. Should a mistress decide its time to exit the murky playing field, she should avoid dramatic exits- no exposing receipts, no cryptic posts and certainly no revenge. Silence is often the best strategy. She should confide only in trusted people, seek professional therapy if needed and focus on rebranding her personal and professional image. People forget scandals faster than they think- especially if you redirect the narrative.
The real test now comes in rebuilding self-worth. Many mistresses stay in affairs because they have been conditioned to believe they are only valuable in secrecy. Breaking that mindset requires intentional healing, whether through faith, therapy or self-development. Taking up new hobbies, traveling, starting a business or focusing on personal goals can be powerful ways to reclaim identity beyond someone’s secret lover.
Finally, the come-to-Jesus moment isn’t just about leaving the affair, it’s about making better choices moving forward. It’s about refusing to settle for half-hearted love, choosing self-respect over fleeting romance and learning from past mistakes. Walking away from an affair is never easy, but it is always worth it. True dignity comes from realizing your worth, rewriting your story and choosing a future that is built on honesty, self-respect and genuine love.
So, to every woman caught in the web of an affair, the question remains… Are you ready to walk away and reclaim your life?
