Polygamy has long been woven into the cultural fabric of Kenya, often framed as a male privilege where one man takes multiple wives, building an empire of lineage and legacy. From political leaders to village elders, many men have embraced the practice, citing tradition, wealth and social status as justification.
But as society evolves and gender roles shift, a bold question might emerge- what if the script was flipped? What if women, too, could openly take multiple husbands, dictating the terms of the relationship with the same authority that men have enjoyed for generations?
Men-led polygamy, as commonly practiced, is often riddled with power struggles, favoritism and financial strain. It has been normalized for a husband to divide his time, resources and affection among his wives; often leading to competition, neglect and deep-seated resentment. The stereotype of the polygamous man as a provider and patriarch persists, yet behind the scenes, stories of abandoned first wives, children fighting over inheritance and co-wives locked in endless rivalries are far too common. Society tolerates these dysfunctions, framing them as “just the way things are.”
But what if women-led polygamy offered a different approach? Could it be the key to dismantling some of the challenges seen in traditional polygamous setups? A woman with multiple husbands might demand equality, ensuring that financial and emotional support is not solely her burden. With structured agreements and mutual respect, female-led polygamy could shift the power dynamics, promoting partnership over possession. In this Kenyan society where women are increasingly empowered, educated and financially independent, could this be the future of polygamy in Kenya?
Ms Audrey Oluyole, a Nairobi-based Counselling Psychologist deemed that there are pros to having women-led polygamous marriages in Kenya that could be accepted as great benefits.
“Some men might thrive in non-traditional cooperative family model but again, this might take time. Not all men want to share their woman. Their ego again will come to play. They might feel emasculated. They’ll feel threatened. There’s so much. Children, what effects does it have on them? They could benefit from multiple father figures, gaining diverse perspective and resources. When we look at this example, you see when you have a husband and there are some places where you see your money is falling short. And there’s another man in that area. He’s very strong in the financial awareness area. So he’s good at saving. He’s good at investing. He’s good at staying on budget. Husband A might be poor but has emotional awareness but husband B is good at finances- you get the best of both world,” began Ms Oluyole.
She went on, “So one weakness of husband A might be a strong point for husband B or might be even a strong point for husband C. So children could benefit in such a home so long as they are explained to the diversity of it. Then when it comes to the community, they will be forced or could be forced to re-evaluate relationship norms, gender expectations and even legal frameworks. Right now when you look at it, women are supposed to be, apparently, and this I’m speaking also from our community, where we are expected to take care of the babies, take care of the husband, take care of the house- like, if they find him washing dishes, it will be like, ‘what were you doing?’
But if a woman has multiple husbands, again, it doesn’t mean that she’s also looking for financial security. Could be, could be not. But it means that she wants to eliminate the shortcomings. So whatever gender expectation that community has over the woman, they have to be kicked out of the window and this will make people uncomfortable, very uncomfortable. Then relationship norms, where the husband has to lead and the woman follows, that has to be kicked out of the window because here again, it’s about sharing, cohabiting. There is no one head of the home. Here, everybody has an equal say, including the woman. And over time it could normalize more fluid egalitarian relationship structures- which is again from the Western world.”
According to Ms Oluyole, despite being on the fence about polygamy, she did concede that there were more pros than cons in women-led polygamous marriages, “because if you look at society today, many marriages are failing because of a man being in places where they feel emasculated or they feel threatened and their ego is scratched because maybe the wife is making more money or she’s more confident; and she doesn’t stand for some nonsense. “
“So when this (women-led polygamy) is welcomed, then relationships will be more fluid. This isn’t just about polygamy, if you look at it, it’s about who gets to control the narrative of love, power and family. If male-led polygamy is acceptable, then rejecting female-led polygamy isn’t about morality. It’s about maintaining patriarchal privilege. Again, we are coming to see male ego. The real question is, can society handle a model where women have the same choices as men? Can they?” concluded Ms Oluyole.
At the end of the day, however, polygamy in Kenya is legally recognized but only for men. The Marriage Act of 2014 allows men to have multiple wives under customary and Islamic law, while Christian and civil marriages remain strictly monogamous. Women, however, are not permitted to take multiple husbands under any legal framework.
Despite this, polygamy remains a deeply ingrained cultural practice, particularly among communities that uphold traditional African or Islamic marriage customs. While male-led polygamy is accepted and even celebrated in some circles, female-led polygamy remains taboo and unrecognized by law. As gender roles continue to evolve, conversations around the fairness and future of polygamy in Kenya are slowly gaining momentum, challenging long-standing norms and legal restrictions.
