Yes, some married men are like first born children when it comes to their wives.
In many Kenyan households, married women- whether stay-at-home mums or working professionals- often find themselves shouldering an overwhelming amount of domestic labor, childcare and emotional support. Meanwhile, their husbands, though providers, rarely contribute beyond financial aspects. This dynamic has led many to argue that married men function more like “firstborn sons” than equal partners.
A common complaint among wives is that their husbands expect to be catered to hand and foot- meals prepared, clothes cleaned and ironed and even small tasks like fetching a glass of water handled for them. This infantilization of men means they are often excused from basic responsibilities within the home. Even when both partners work demanding jobs, it is frequently the wife who juggles career, parenting and household chores while the husband assumes a passive role, expecting to be served rather than participating.
Culturally, this stems from how many men are raised. In traditional African homes, boys are often not taught domestic skills, with household chores being seen as “women’s work.” This mindset carries into marriage, where many husbands unconsciously expect their wives to replace the motherly care they received growing up. Unfortunately, this leaves women not only carrying the mental and physical load of the home but also feeling like they are parenting their husbands rather than partnering with them.
At the end of the day, however, what our society needs is men who understand that marriage is about partnership, and taking on more roles in the home would not mean that their wives would gain a foothold to compete with them just because they share responsibilities 50/50 majority of the time.
Not all men fit the stereotype of being their wives’ ‘firstborn’ children even after conceiving several offspring. Some modern and enlightened husbands actively participate in their homes- do chores and parent beyond the home- and this is an absolutely welcomed husband in millions of homes beyond Kenya.
While financial provision does not excuse neglect of household responsibilities, it is still a significant contribution to the family. In many cases, men work in high-pressure environments to ensure their families are well taken care of. Some may argue that it is unrealistic to expect a man who works long hours to return home and immediately engage in house chores. Instead, couples should negotiate a fair division of labor based on their individual strengths and availability.
Conversations about shared duties, breaking down traditional gender roles and fostering mutual respect are key. If a husband falls short in domestic contributions, does it mean he is a “firstborn child,” or could it simply be a case of poor communication and societal conditioning that needs to be unlearned?
The debate on whether married men are their wives’ “firstborn children” highlights a deeper conversation about gender roles, domestic labor and emotional labor in Kenyan households. While some men undoubtedly leave their wives to handle everything beyond finances, others are actively challenging these norms. The real question remains: Is it time for men to step up or are societal expectations setting unrealistic demands on them?
Let’s discuss.
