Polygamy has long been part of African culture, including in Kenya, where some men still take multiple wives.
However, the modern-day man faces a unique challenge- how to practice polygamy without leaving his first wife emotionally devastated or turning his home into a battlefield. Recent dramas, such as Jimal Roho Safi, Amira and Amber Ray or Karangu Muraya, Triza and Carol Kim, have shown just how messy things can get when polygamy is introduced recklessly.
So, can a man take a second wife without breaking his first marriage?
One of the biggest mistakes men make when bringing in a second wife is deception. Jimal Roho Safi’s case was a perfect example- his first wife, Amira, claimed she found out about his relationship with Amber Ray through social media. This betrayal turned what could have been a peaceful transition into a public war. If a man truly values both women, honesty is key. Conversations should happen early and the first wife should not be blindsided by social media posts or gossip.
Additionally, a man who is struggling to provide for one wife and children should not even consider polygamy. Love alone cannot sustain multiple marriages- financial stability is crucial. In Karangu Muraya’s situation, critics argued that taking in Carol Kim while already married to Triza would create unnecessary tension, especially if resources were stretched thin. Beyond finances, emotional capacity matters. Is the man ready to handle the needs, expectations and possible insecurities of multiple wives?
A first wife is not just another woman- she was there before the idea of a second marriage came up. Respecting her feelings means acknowledging that she may struggle with the idea. Rather than forcing polygamy on her, a man should give her time and space to process. If she chooses to walk away, that decision should also be respected. Some women, like Amira (and soon/yet to be seen with Triza), decide they cannot share their husband, while others might stay but with clear boundaries.
If you really think about it, modern polygamy is being ruined by the internet. The moment a man parades his new wife on social media while his first wife is hurting, the situation escalates. We saw this with Jimal and Amber Ray, where publicized romantic gestures fueled tension with Amira. The same continues to be witnessed between Muraya, Triza and Carol. A wise polygamist keeps his family affairs private and ensures both wives feel secure, not publicly humiliated or sidelined.
This is because polygamy is not just about taking another wife, it’s about managing relationships fairly. This means equal treatment in finances, time, respect and decision-making. Favoritism breeds resentment and a neglected wife will eventually leave or retaliate. If a man cannot balance his home, he risks turning his wives into rivals rather than co-wives.
Marriage is both a legal and spiritual institution. If a man is religious, he should seek guidance from spiritual leaders on how to handle polygamy the right way. Legally, it’s important to define each wife’s rights, property ownership and children’s welfare to avoid future disputes such as who can live in a mansion in the urban areas and another in Gatundu taking care of the farm and cows in rural Kenya.
Polygamy can work, but only if it is handled with maturity, honesty and respect. Unfortunately, many Kenyan men today approach it recklessly, leaving behind a trail of broken homes, public embarrassment and bitter wives. If a man truly wants to be polygamous, he must ask himself: Can I do this without destroying my first marriage or is it just selfish desire masquerading as culture?
Should polygamy have a place in modern relationships, and if so, how do you think it can it be practiced responsibly?
