A beard/moustache is a pop-culture term for a woman unknowingly being used by a man to hide his queer identity. He does not want the world to know that he is part of the ‘rainbow nation’ and would go about dating women to ‘align’ with societal expectations of what is culturally expected of men- study, get a job, find a woman, marry, settle down and raise babies.
Recently, on the Kenyan social media front, a Gen Z lass published a video on in which she revealed and alleged she had discovered her boyfriend was a member of the queer community after she discovered nude photos being shared between himself and a male Kenyan celebrity.
She did not provide any proof to her allegations, however, the video went viral considering the alleged male celeb is known for dating women and even has a child with one. Obviously and expected, a section of Kenyans expressed their shock over the accusations that came out of left field.
It now begs the question, sis, how would you react if you found out that your man wasn’t actually into you because you are his moustache as he secretly prefers men?
Would you run to social media like the lass above did with vague details? Would you tear up his house and destroy his expensive things? Would you put him on blast without hiding and details?
Now, before we go any further, let’s get one thing straight: There’s nothing wrong with being queer in some societies. The issue here is someone not being honest about who they are and misusing women- wasting their youth and productive years- to fit into societal expectations.
If you’ve been getting a gut feeling that something is off, here are seven major signs your man might be dating you for all the wrong reasons.
- You’re serving your best looks, making all the moves and giving him every opportunity to get intimate, but he always finds an excuse. He claims to be old school, ‘waiting for the right moment’, or just not that into public displays of affection. If your man dodges physical affection like it’s a debt collector, something isn’t adding up.
- He enjoys the idea of having a girlfriend but doesn’t invest in emotional intimacy. You feel like you’re just there to complete an image: family events, Instagram photos, couple appearances, but when it’s just the two of you? Blue-ticks.
- Does he go out of his way to remind everyone how much he loves women? Is he overly obsessed with proving his straightness, constantly talking about his player days or how alpha he is? Sometimes, the biggest flex is actually a cover-up.
- Sis, your man and your other close male friend have more inside jokes than you two do? He suddenly lights up around him, laughs a little too hard at his jokes and they seem to really understand each other? You might be in a love triangle without even knowing it.
- Ever notice his friends acting weird around you, dropping odd comments, or giving you those glances? If they seem to know something you don’t, it’s possible they’re aware that your relationship is more of a performance than a love story.
- He somehow knows every RuPaul’s Drag Race winner, follows male fashion models religiously, and can sing along to Beyoncé’s deep songs but the moment someone mentions queerness, he gets defensive or brushes it off? A little too invested yet too afraid to admit it.
At the end of the day, your intuition never lies. If something about your relationship feels performative, one-sided or emotionally disconnected, trust yourself. You deserve someone who’s with you because they truly want to be, not because they need to be seen with a woman.
So then, what do you do if you do find out you are a moustache? The best and calmest decision would be to take a step back and watch him. Avoid aggressive confrontations but have an open and honest conversation about his identity and sexuality while protecting your emotional well-being.
Stay smart, sis. Don’t settle for anything less than the real thing.
