Betty Kyallo, a prominent Kenyan media personality, has been in a relationship with Charlie Jones, a younger partner, for over a year. The couple celebrated their first anniversary on November 9, 2024, with Charlie expressing the profound impact Betty has had on his life.
Throughout their relationship, Betty has addressed public scrutiny regarding their age difference. She emphasized that while Charlie is younger, he is an adult capable of making his own decisions, urging the public to respect their relationship.
In August 2024, breakup rumors surfaced after Betty deleted photos of Charlie from her Instagram account. Despite this, recent appearances suggest that the couple remains together. Their relationship has been a topic of public interest, with both supporters and critics voicing their opinions. Betty and Charlie continue to navigate their partnership amidst the attention, focusing on their personal connection.
In Uganda/South Africa, the narrative is the same with Ugandan born South African sociality and reality TV star Zari Hassan and her younger husband, Ugandan Shakib Cham Lutaaya. They began their relationship in 2019. Despite initial disapproval from her family due to their age difference, the couple rekindled their relationship after the lockdown period. In October 2023, Zari and Shakib formalized their union through a private Islamic wedding ceremony, known as a Nikah, in South Africa. This event was attended by close friends and family, including some of Zari’s children.
Their relationship has faced public scrutiny, particularly concerning the age gap and Zari’s previous high-profile relationships. In recent developments, the couple has been seen together, indicating a reconciliation after previous disputes. They have shared moments on social media, showcasing their bond and addressing public perceptions of their relationship. Zari has also publicly addressed the reasons for choosing to marry Shakib over her former partner, Tanzanian musician Diamond Platnumz, highlighting the unique connection she shares with Shakib.
Now, not every couple with this older woman/younger man romantic relationship can be as bold and outgoing as Betty, Charlie, Zari and Shakib. But they do enjoy these relationships away from the glaring lenses of the public eye.
While many in society would disapprove of this relationship dynamic, often opting for older men going for younger women, there are great psychological and emotional benefits for older women who choose to date and marry younger men.
“Older women often experience a renewed sense of vitality, confidence, and emotional fulfillment when dating younger men. These relationships can positively impact their well-being in several ways. Number one, increased self-esteem. Being desired by a younger partner can reaffirm a woman’s attractiveness and desirability, counteracting age-related insecurities. Number two, emotional refreshment. Younger men may bring a sense of spontaneity, adventure and fresh perspectives, keeping the relationship dynamic and engaging,” began Ms Audrey Oluyole, a Nairobi based Counselling Psychologist.
She went on, “Number three, reduced pressure for conformity. Unlike traditional relationships that may be shaped by societal or familial expectations, this partnership often emphasizes personal choice and emotional connection over convention. And the last one, mutual growth and support. The exchange of life experiences and perspectives fosters personal development, helping both partners evolve emotionally and intellectually.”
With all these great benefits listed, how then could older women overcome societal stigma and confidently embrace romantic relationships with younger men without feeling judged and ostracized?
“Overcoming this stigma requires reframing the narrative. Viewing the relationship as a normal, natural and fulfilling connection rather than an unconventional choice helps remove internalized guilt or hesitation. Secondly, building self-assurance. Confidence comes from understanding that happiness isn’t dictated by societal expectations but by personal fulfillment. Third, surrounding themselves with support- seeking out like-minded communities or individuals who celebrate their choices can reinforce positive perception. And the last but not least, focusing on relationship quality. Prioritizing the depth, compatibility and emotional security within the relationship of external opinions help diminish external judgments,” advised Ms Oluyole.
Having said all these, there are some key factors that can make age-gap relationships successful, and how older women can navigate the challenges that will continue to arise and are unique to dating younger men.
“Older women must be mindful of avoiding maternal or controlling tendencies, allowing the relationship to remain balanced and respectful. In handling external pressures, couples should establish boundaries regarding unsolicited opinions from friends, family or society; reinforcing their commitment to each other rather than external validation.
They must also have open and honest communication. Discussing expectations, concerns and future aspirations ensures clarity and prevents misunderstanding. So ultimately, older women thriving in relationships with younger men is a testament to shifting relationship paradigms that prioritize connection, compatibility and personal fulfilment over outdated norms,” concluded Ms Oluyole.
