“Don’t hang around Brayo” or “Stop spending so much time with Mercy” could be a variation of the many warnings some parents issue to their children when they spot them with someone of the opposite gender, and know that potential love could be budding. But then, how could Mary stop hanging out with Brayo, or Kevo suddenly ghost Mercy after spending so much time with together when their romantic feelings for their respective partners was consuming them?
How could they all suddenly abandon each other when the collective love they felt with their full chests was ready to consume each other in whatever space and time they found themselves in? How could family know any better than what they feel towards each other? Who between them was the one in love?
Welcome to the world of crazy in love. Where love is prioritized despite several warnings by family to a kin about a potential partner’s characteristics and behaviors they failed to notice. A world where a couple burns for each other with an intensity that beats reason, and it eclipses everything else. A world where, whether right or wrong, a couple will stand united against the world (read family) in a bond perceived to be an unshakable fortress against family disapproval, alienation and harsh whispers.
Passionate love and rebellion, utter devotion and defiance often blurs the lines when this type of crazy love blooms- and a couple would never think of the long term consequences.
And then the inevitable happens after 6 months. Hot, desperate, passionate love fizzles out and the relationship settles into a lull before coming to a dramatic end.
But, didn’t their families warn them? Wasn’t Mercy too forward in her mannerisms, speech and behavior with other men? Wasn’t Brayo shady with his wandering eye and free sherehe sheria spirit?
See, the consequences of having this kind of love, and colliding with family because of it, are rarely black and white. Yes, there would be joys in forging a life with someone who understands and cherishes you no matter what or how short lived the relationship might be but also, the lingering ache of strained family ties will always be at the back of the mind.
While nursing a break up heartache, one would find themselves reflecting on how they failed to balance a heady romantic relationship with kinship, how they failed to navigate family loyalty, respect and traditions for a love they felt was freeing from familial bonds and expectations.
How then, would one reconcile love and kinship, and strike a middle ground? It would have been as simple as Mary and Kevo openly communicating with their families from the onset and after a breakup, choosing to forgive oneself and seeking forgiveness where bullish love strained familial ties. If they had kept their kin updated on their lives would have shown that they valued family despite their decisions regarding love.
While it would be no easy task, with gradual steps, Mary and Kevo can also embark on demonstrating that they still value their kin and despite their earlier decisions, show that choosing love doesn’t mean rejecting kinship, but about expanding their circle of loyalty, care and love.
At the end of the day, all parties involved could consider seeking the guidance of a neutral mediator who would facilitate honest conversations because an outside voice can help either party see beyond their own lines of thought and pain.
It would be hard, but the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step, yes?
